Saturday, December 31, 2011

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"Siri for Android": just one more opportunity to launch Google Voice Actions tnw.co/tnaEzp e_kaspersky

Eugene Kaspersky

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Perry fights to claw way back into contention

Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry speaks during a campaign stop at the Blue Strawberry Coffee Company, Thursday, Dec. 29, 2011, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry speaks during a campaign stop at the Blue Strawberry Coffee Company, Thursday, Dec. 29, 2011, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry signs autographs after a campaign stop at the Blue Strawberry Coffee Company, Thursday, Dec. 29, 2011, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry speaks during a campaign stop at the Blue Strawberry Coffee Company, Thursday, Dec. 29, 2011, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

(AP) ? A swaggering Rick Perry parachuted into Iowa last summer at the top of the GOP presidential field with a job-creation message, an off-the-cuff speaking style and a fledgling campaign organization. He quickly nosedived.

Lately, a more humble Texas governor has been trying to claw his way back into contention with a much different approach.

He has tailored his pitch to tea party activists and religious conservatives, replacing a bus emblazoned with "Get America Working Again" with one carrying the slogan "Faith, Jobs, Freedom." He is more disciplined and less free-wheeling when he talks with voters than he was when he suggested, on his first visit here, that the Federal Reserve chairman may be committing treason. And he's beefed up his campaign staff with presidential veterans and targeted his travel to key conservative regions.

"I ask you to do more than just attend this rally and I ask you to do more than just sign up for my campaign at tables in the back of this room. I ask you to brave the weather on Jan. 3," Perry pleaded during a recent stop here ? his second to this conservative, western Iowa town in as many weeks. In a new TV ad, he says: "As we've traveled across the state, I've been humbled by your dedication" and asks voters for help.

Perry has repeated that plea over the past few weeks in breakfast diners, town squares and coffee shops, planting himself in parts of Iowa filled with religious voters in hopes that a retooled campaign message that sells him as the only candidate who is a Christian conservative and a Washington outsider will resonate with a chunk of the electorate that's still undecided or willing to change their minds before the caucuses Tuesday night.

"If we replace a Democratic insider with a Republican insider, do you think we're really going to change Washington, D.C.? No way," Perry says everywhere he goes. "I am the anti-establishment outsider who goes to Washington with a sense of purpose. And that purpose is to make Washington, D.C., as inconsequential in your life as I can make it."

Another staple: "I defended traditional marriage and protected the unborn children, including signing a budget that defunded Planned Parenthood and they closed down 12 of their abortion clinics in the state of Texas." His pitch is peppered with anti-Washington rhetoric and references to his faith and he always quotes the Bible at the end.

Perry's even gone so far as to switch his position on abortion. He told a pastor one day that he had undergone a "transformation" and now opposes abortion in cases of rape and incest. A day later he clarified his stance, saying he would allow the legal procedure only if the pregnancy threatened the woman's life.

It's unclear whether Perry's unabashed pitch to conservatives and tea party backers will help him rise high enough in the coming days to finish in the top three in the Iowa caucuses, typically the threshold candidates must meet to prove they are viable. His challenge is steep, given that he's fighting for the same slice of the Iowa electorate as several rivals, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum among them.

But unlike them, he has money.

The roughly $5 million Perry has spent on advertising since late October ? combined with heavy spending from a super PAC that supports his candidacy __ may be paying dividends. He seems to be running slightly stronger in public and private polls than he has in months. Perry's final push got the help of an additional $865,000 in television advertising from Make Us Great Again, a pro-Perry political action committee that has spent more than $1 million in Iowa.

And he's drawing large, enthusiastic crowds on a bus tour with his retooled campaign message.

To wrap up Thursday, he packed every seat in a community center in Marshalltown and curious caucus-goers lined the walls and stood in the back of the room. After he jogged in, he immediately dived into the crowd, reaching out with both arms to shake hands and squeeze shoulders.

Some liked what they heard but still weren't ready to sign on.

"I want a Christian in the White House who isn't ashamed of it. We don't have that in the White House with Obama," said Kay Miles, a Hopkinton retiree who caucused for former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee four years ago. She met with Perry last week in Manchester and came away impressed but hadn't decided which candidate to support.

Sharon Knudson, a factory worker from DeWitt who makes car air fresheners, likes Perry, too, but wasn't ready to sign up.

Knudson said she wants someone who won't "mess with our values" the way she says Washington elites have.

"We have a great country, but they want to tinker with things here and there and before you know it, we will have drifted so far from our values that we won't recognize our country," Knudson said. "Rick Perry won't put up with that."

Perry's pitch to make Congress a part-time branch of government also may be resonating.

"Congress has gotten power hungry and they've forgotten who sent them there in the first place," said Tammy Hardersen, a retired ad sales manager from Waukee who saw Perry speak in Urbandale. "There aren't a lot of folks looking out for folks like me." But, she thought, perhaps Perry will.

It's safe to say that Perry ? a dogged campaigner who has never lost an election in Texas ? likely didn't anticipate being far behind his rivals when he was welcome to the race in August with great fanfare. He was greeted as the battle-tested figure who might quiet conservatives' frustrations with the other contenders. He instantly rocketed to the top of polls before withering under close scrutiny. He stumbled during debates, appeared erratic and frightened donors.

Eventually, he pressed reset.

Perry hired veterans from George W. Bush's presidential campaign. He started watching what he said. He shed the "jobs governor" pitch and shifted his strategy to focus on courting tea party and religious voters who hold great sway in Iowa's contest.

The next five days will determine whether the shift worked.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/89ae8247abe8493fae24405546e9a1aa/Article_2011-12-29-Perry-Final%20Push/id-1ebba16f28f241e98fbbbb7688f4c3df

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America's best new airport restaurants

Scott Finsthwait

At San Francisco International Airport, Cat Cora restaurant overlooks the runway and the Bay Area hills behind it.

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By Nick Fauchald & Chelsea Morse , Food & Wine

I'm cutting into a $40 steak with a four-cent plastic knife. The knife isn't even painted silver to offer an illusion of metallurgy; it's as white as paper and just as sharp. The steak ? deeply charred, oozing pink juice and smelling of iron and earth ? patiently mocks me as I massacre it with my contemptible tool.

Slideshow: See a slew of fine airport dining spots around the country

I'm in Terminal 5 at New York City's Kennedy airport, the first of four stops I'll be making on a coast-to-coast tour of America's best new airport restaurants. As the in-flight meal goes the way of the go-go-booted stewardess, airports are filling the void with dining options that are considerably more ambitious than the usual eat-and-run-to-the-gate fast-food and snack spots. It's about time: As ballparks, music festivals and street carts have haute-ified their food in recent years, American airports have been stuck in a rut of cellophaned sandwiches and restaurants with names ending in "Xpress." (Everyone's in such a hurry, these places seem to say, that there's no time even to spell out the names.)

The recent boom in serious airport food is great news for early birds like myself, who must be at the gate at least an hour before departure ? lest the airline decide, for the first time ever, to run ahead of schedule. On my four-airport restaurant marathon, I plan to arrive for each flight a few hours early to mimic the experience of a long, agonizing delay. But the simulation won't be necessary; Murphy's Law will grant me more than enough time to eat well.

New York City's John F. Kennedy International Airport

When it opened in 2008, JFK's Terminal 5 became the undisputed leader of this new era of preflight pampering. All of its restaurants are run by OTG Management, an "airport food and beverage operator" with projects in eight airports across the country (including my final stop, New York City's LaGuardia) and many more on the way (up next is Minneapolis?St. Paul). There's the loungey sushi bar (Deep.Blue), the high-end steak house (5IVESTEAK), the Spanish taper?a (Piquillo), the modern-Italian trattoria (Aero Nuova) and the petit Parisian brasserie (La Vie), each with a menu designed in consultation with a talented local chef.

With its vaulted, tiled ceiling, Piquillo looks like the inside of some modernist wine cellar, an ideal hiding spot for waiting out a delay. I sit at the bar and order a sampling of tapas and Spanish sandwiches that evoke the food that chef Alex Raij cooks at her two excellent Manhattan restaurants, El Quinto Pino and Txikito. My meal includes creamy croquetas and a flight-friendly bocadillo of serrano ham on a tomato-rubbed baguette; less portable but equally delicious is a fried-calamari sandwich with spicy mayonnaise.

I gave up on finding a decent glass of wine in an airport years ago, but the Terminal 5 restaurants share a cellar some 300 bottles deep. However, even a 1999 P?trus ($2,400 at 5IVESTEAK) wouldn't have made it any less frustrating to try cutting my dry-aged, bone-in rib eye with a plastic knife. I have a much easier time with 5IVESTEAK's excellent hamburger, which is made from a blend of short rib, brisket and chuck from status butcher Pat LaFrieda and arrives cooked as ordered: medium-rare! In an airport! (Note to travelers: You can't dine in Terminal 5 unless you possess a JetBlue ticket or a TSA badge. It took a credentialed ? and patient ? escort to get me through security.)

I leave Terminal 5 to catch my plane to San Francisco in Terminal 2. There, I have just enough time to grab provisions for my flight from two of the terminal's sleek new kiosks. Both are set among a sea of iPad-equipped tables from which you can order food and play games (or, if you're me, check flight delays and turbulence reports). The first, Croque Madame, offers an anytime menu of fast French food ? cr?pes, quiches, sandwiches and salads ? from chef Andrew Carmellini (a Food & Wine Best New Chef 2000). I order the namesake sandwich to go and hustle over to Bar Brace (pronounced BRA-chay) for a few very good bruschette and a roasted-beet salad, both recognizably from consulting chef Jason Denton's Lower East Side restaurant, 'Inoteca, and an artichoke-and-fennel panino on par with those he serves at his West Village spot, 'Ino.

I scold myself for not allowing enough time to try more from each restaurant, especially a drink from Croque Madame's promising cocktail menu. But the gods of the sky decide to help me out: Two hours later, after an undiagnosed electrical problem and a long, hot wait in runway purgatory, I'm back at Croque Madame nursing a nerve-restoring drink called the Avant (gin and tonic with lemon, muddled grapes and basil) and my equally cold (but still tasty) sandwich. Soon, a gate attendant announces that mechanics were "unable to locate the problem" on my plane, "so we're going to give this thing another try." I order another drink.

San Francisco International Airport

When I reach the San Francisco airport for my departing flight the next day, I pass a TSA-looking guy yelling something about mops and buckets into his phone as I head into the terminal. Inside, there's ankle-deep water and chaos everywhere. A construction crew has broken a pipe, and the security-line equipment has gone dark. Anticipating another day of waiting, eating and more waiting, I walk over to Terminal 2, which opened in April and houses the airport's best food spots.

The Napa Farms Market looks like a miniature Ferry Building (indeed, both share the same architects) and, again like the Ferry Building, it sells many of the Bay Area's best local products. Acme Bread and Cowgirl Creamery share a counter next to the barista-staffed Equator Coffees & Teas, a local roaster. The Market also houses a Vino Volo wine bar and bottle shop; travelers can taste through a flight of Napa Cabernet before grabbing bottles from the California-heavy shelves to take home as souvenirs. A salesperson tells me I'm allowed to bring aboard "as many bottles as you can carry." I push this policy to the extreme.

In the back of the Market are two takeout counters. Tyler Florence's Rotisserie, an outpost of his Napa restaurant, serves fat, fluffy waffles at breakfast and rotisserie chicken with market-driven sides for lunch and dinner. There are a couple of high tables in the Market, but this is very much a grab-and-go spot, which is too bad, as my juicy, crisp-skinned chicken is worthy of a slow, time-wasting meal with a glass of wine. Next to Rotisserie is Live Fire Pizza, where I attack a lox-and-cream-cheese pie, its crackery crust tossed and baked to order ? a welcome departure from the precooked slices one typically finds in an airport food court.

At the end of the terminal, I sit at the counter of Cat Cora, which overlooks the runway and the Bay Area hills behind it, providing a more serene dining setting. The restaurant is a good place for fresh seafood, which becomes extremely apparent when the lobster sitting in an ice-packed case in front of me waves his claw. "He just got here," says the chef behind the counter, dispelling what I thought might be a jet-lagged hallucination. "He'll be lobster mac and cheese soon." I'm tempted, but ultimately I order a half-dozen oysters and a Farmer's Market Bloody Mary (made with fresh tomato juice and basil) instead.

Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport

I love the Atlanta airport. The concourses are lined up in a row, A through E, connected via a long underground tunnel. It's impossible to get lost here.

My destination is Concourse E, where the sleek One Flew South resides. Hidden from the bustle behind a slatted wooden wall, its interior is dominated by a calming photomural of a Georgia pine forest.

One Flew South is actually two restaurants, with two different menus, run by chefs who are much more involved in day-to-day operations than their consulting peers. There's a long marble sushi bar from which chef Allen Suh serves pristine nigiri and familiar maki rolls. The other menu, from chef Duane Nutter, pulls flavors from Japan and fuses them with Southern dishes. I start with a fragrant bowl of chicken noodle soup: The chicken is from nearby Ashland Farm, the noodles are soba and the broth is scented with five-spice powder. A sandwich comprised of smoky Benton's bacon, tomatoey tomatoes and crisp fris?e on crusty ciabatta is the best BLT I've had in years. Given the constraints of airport restaurant cookery (tiny kitchens, endless security checks, chef knives tethered to their stations with chains), the quality of the food is nothing less than remarkable.

One Flew South's bar alone is worth the trip to the concourse. In addition to cult whiskeys like Pappy Van Winkle Family Reserve, it serves about 30 by-the-glass pours and as many sub-$50 bottles, and the cocktail menu is anchored by properly mixed classics. As I sip a bourbon, I can't imagine a better place to wait out a delay. (Did I mention my flight was delayed again?)

New York City's LaGuardia Airport

LaGuardia is quickly catching up to JFK, its Queens sibling, with a growing roster of restaurants spun off from local favorites. I have extra time to plan my final stretch of eating as I sit on the runway in ? Baltimore. That's right: LaGuardia's infamous Friday afternoon traffic has brought our plane to Maryland to wait its turn to land.

When we finally deplane in Terminal D, I pass another outpost of Bar Brace on my way to Bisoux, where consulting chefs Lee Hanson and Riad Nasr have recast the menu from their Manhattan restaurant, Balthazar. This airport iteration looks nothing like the gilded Soho brasserie, but it still serves a respectable onion soup and steak frites. Nearby, there are signs for the upcoming Crust from pizza guru Jim Lahey; Minnow, a seafood restaurant from Andrew Carmellini, is also in the works.

Whereas JFK's restaurants are optimal for sit-down meals, LaGuardia's excel at elevated food-court eating. Tagliare serves Sicilian and thin-crust pizzas under the direction of Dominick DeMarco Jr. whose father runs Brooklyn's iconic slice joint Di Fara. I order a fat slice of baby-artichoke pie and walk to the next counter, Custom Burgers by Pat LaFrieda. Here, beef from LaFrieda (who else?) is packed into craggy patties ordered via touch screen. As the name implies, Custom Burgers lets you tweak your order to the limits of your imagination; I get mine Southern-style with fried pickles and barbecue sauce, and I make sure to get crinkle-cut fries and a velvety chocolate shake for good measure. I find a table away from the rabble of Friday travelers and lay out my spread. I eat slowly and deliberately. After all, I've got no more flights ahead of me and all the time in the world.

After four days and several times as many meals, I have come to a conclusion: Airport dining has improved enormously over what it was just a few years ago ? and it's only going to get better. Grab-and-go standards like burgers and pizza are now on par with the best of their non-airport counterparts, and I found a proper cocktail or glass of wine at every hub. But until someone invents a silent intercom system ? or a plastic knife that cuts $40 steaks ? a true I'm-not-in-an-airport eating experience will still be elusive (though Atlanta's One Flew South comes pretty close). This is OK, though: I would miss a lot of flights if it weren't.

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Source: http://itineraries.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/15/9471625-americas-best-new-airport-restaurants

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not in hockey ?@Scream4IceCream: 4 white people on any sports team at any one time is a reason for concern. It just is. Lol? jozenc

Jozen Cummings

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Parents held responsible for underage drinking (AP)

NEW YORK ? Parents of teens: If you think a drinking disaster at your kid's party can't happen at your house, not with your kid, because he's a good kid, it's time to wake up and smell the whiskey bottle tossed on your lawn.

Because of the high risk of underage drinking and driving this time of year, many parents open their homes to partying teens as a way to keep them off the roads. What some may not know is that liability laws can leave Mom and Dad vulnerable to lawsuits, fines and even jail time if underage drinking is found to be going on under their roof.

Parents can get in trouble even if they didn't know about the drinking.

That's what a Menlo Park, Calif., father says he is up against.

Bill Burnett, a Stanford University professor, was arrested the night after Thanksgiving over a basement party thrown by his 17-year-old son to celebrate a big high school football win.

Burnett said he and his wife had forbidden alcohol at the party and were upstairs at the time police received a call about possible drinking by minors. In fact, he said, he had twice made his way to the basement to check on the merry-making.

He spent a night in jail and was booked on 44 counts of suspicion of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Each misdemeanor count carries up to a $2,500 fine and nearly a year in jail.

Burnett questioned the deterrent value of laws that hold parents legally responsible even if they didn't know there was alcohol at the party.

"In this case I think arresting a parent isn't going to prevent kids from drinking," he said on the "Today" show.

Eight states have specific "social host" laws that say parents can get in trouble if underage guests are drinking, even if no one gets hurt, according to the National Institutes of Health. (Some of those states allow parents to serve alcohol to their own children in some situations.)

Sixteen other states have laws that hold Mom and Dad legally responsible for underage drinking under certain circumstances ? for example, if a teen who drank at their home got into a car accident, NIH said. In other states, parents can get in trouble under more general liability laws.

Stephen Wallace, a senior adviser at Students Against Destructive Decisions, or SADD, which used to be called Students Against Drunk Driving, said that with an increased awareness of the dangers of underage drinking, law enforcement authorities are increasingly relying on social host liability laws to go after parents.

While he acknowledged that teens are adept at finding ways to drink on the sly, he said he is all for anything that gets at the problem of underage drinking. He said he finds it troubling that the Burnetts said they saw no alcohol consumed at their party.

"Parents need to say to kids, `You shouldn't be drinking at all and you certainly can't do it here because we can be put in jail,'" Wallace said.

According to SADD research co-sponsored by the insurance company Liberty Mutual, more teens are saying that their parents allow them to go to parties where alcohol is being served ? 41 percent in 2011, compared with 36 percent two years ago. Also, 57 percent of high school students whose parents allow them to drink at home said they prefer to drink elsewhere with their friends, Wallace said.

At some parties, the parents themselves supply the booze. In other cases, the kids bring it, sometimes with the hosts' knowledge.

"Some parents feel helpless," said David Singer of Demarest, N.J., who has 17-year-old twin daughters and a 20-year-old son in college. "Some parents feel they need to look the other way in order to help their kids fit in with the cool crowd. And some parents believe, `It's better under my roof than who-knows-where.'"

Like Burnett, Singer said he doesn't condone drinking by his underage kids under any circumstances. And yet he found a whiskey bottle in the yard after a party thrown by his son.

Burnett acknowledged he made a mistake but said he doesn't believe police crackdowns like the one at his house do much good.

"All of this is probably going to go underground and result in a more dangerous situation for kids," he told the online news network Patch. "I really don't think it's up to the police to help me parent."

Source: http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/rss/topstories/*http%3A//news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20111230/ap_on_re_us/us_teen_drinking

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New Parents on Facebook

Okay, first let me say this: I love kids. I think they're freaking adorable and I want to flop out a few of my own some day. However, people should be banned from facebook from the time they find out that they're pregnant until the child is at least two years old. Some chick I haven't spoken to since 8th grade friend requested me a few months ago. I scrolled through her pictures, and judging from the dates of pictures she posted, things went in this order: College pictures, boyfriend pictures, ultrasound pictures, engagement ring pictures, wedding pictures with a huge baby bump under the dress, baby pictures two months later. I have no clue how she's going to finish college.

This status update is the one that killed me:

"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were an hour old, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life! Put this on your status if you have children you love more than life itself!"

I really want to put this in my status: "If you didn't get knocked up and have to drop out of college to get married, post this in your status! Life is awesome when you don't screw it up!"


Like This? Rate It!

Hilarious 31 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147328




Side-splitting 1 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147331

>Pram 77,359 40
03/29/2010 03:02 AM

Well, you have to give them credit, at least their baby didn't die and they posted stillborn pictures of them dressed up like they're alive like these people did:

NSFW

This site's been around since before Facebook, but the parents seem to have discovered Facebooktoo...

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Hilarious 6 votes 4.2 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147337

Cinderblock 27,352 24
03/29/2010 03:12 AM

I'm about to, Taco. I already commented on her status: "No, but I do love my cat."

She's just one of many people on facebook who never post unless it's status updates about her baby, pictures of her baby, videos of her baby, stories about her baby, or maybe conversing with other people about how cute her baby is and how cute the other person's baby is and maybe some time they could get together with their babies and then their babies could have babies and OH MY GOD SHUT UP. I understand that having a baby is a life-changing event and that every parent reacts with the same unfathomable amount of instant love and devotion for their child, but for Frost's sake, don't be so annoying about it. I KNOW that having a child changes your life, and that once you become a parent your life can never be the same and your world has to revolve around your child or else they'll grow up to be serial killers... but do you have to lose any trace of a personality that you might have had before?

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Hilarious 2 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147339

Madame KChiki 121,037 87
03/29/2010 03:14 AM

but do you have to lose any trace of a personality that you might have had before?

No.

Someone please tell me if I've lost my personality.

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Side-splitting 6 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147344

>Pram 77,359 40
03/29/2010 03:22 AM

I don't want kids either. My housmates' friends and family have kids, and they bring them over every Sunday, and they jump straight up in the air and land with a bang, straight up in the air, crash, jump, crash, jump. Frost-ing obnoxious. I was trying to animate yesterday and thought I would grind my teeth into dust.

IN FACT, my name comes from when I was working at a Safeway in 1996 and it was my turn to fix the trash compactor we had for produce. I pushed the button and it wouldn't go. Someone had thrown a baby carriage in it and it had gotten stuck. I had to climb in the smelly mother-Froster and wedge the buggy out with a piece of wood. Then, of course, I threw the thing back in and let the compactor eat it.

Been Pram Maven ever since.

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Funny 8 votes 3.9 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147346

Cinderblock 27,352 24
03/29/2010 03:25 AM

Did you check to see if there was a baby in it first?

Nah, I wouldn't have, either.

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Hilarious 8 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147379

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 17,199 28
03/29/2010 05:35 AM

I don't have any pictures of Lobster Jr up on the internets. Unless I photoshop over her face first.

I know how annoying I was when I was pregnant, so I try not to bore you all with stories of my kid now that she's here. She does do amazing things every day, but I just call my mom or my grandma and tell them and then I'm over it. I'm only online now if she's asleep, because I can't be productive and run a vacuum or anything. But I do love her. And I don't think I've lost much about my personality since she was born. I mean, I don't do things now because they affect someone other than me, but I am pretty sure i"m still me. And i don't let my kid run my life.

But she is damn cute, don't you think?

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Hilarious 14 votes 4.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147382

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 61,615 20
03/29/2010 05:38 AM

And I don't think I've lost much about my personality since she was born.

It is hard to lose something you never had in the first place.

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? 0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147386

Brad Poynter 33,877 47
03/29/2010 05:39 AM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

I just got the facebook interwebsite recently to see what this whole 21st century thing is about. Link in profile.

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Hilarious 15 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147387

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 61,615 20
03/29/2010 05:40 AM

Comedy. Site.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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Hilarious 10 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147394

MyComedyGoldTurnedGreen Jeen 41,252 49
03/29/2010 05:57 AM

That is exactly it. If a person keeps their identity, parenthood is not annoying (to me). It's when their little brats kids interrupt every moment of their life, especially while I'm on the phone with them, it gets old and annoying (to me).

Friend: Hey Jean - how are you? Want to go for a hike or something soon?
Me: Oh, yea - that sounds great. When would...
(Distracting, loud noises and screaming on the other end.)
Friend: I'M ON THE PHONE, TOMMY. MOMMY IS ON THE PHONE! GIVE MOMMY THIS TIME TO BE ON THE PHONE WITH HER FRIEND. NO. NO! YOU CANNOT HAVE CANDY. YOU ALREADY HAD CANDY EARLIER. SHARE WITH YOUR SISTER THEN. (More screaming - this time from the sister.) SHARE WITH YOUR BROTHER, MANDY!! THAT CANDY IS FOR BOTH OF YOU!
Friend (to me): "Hold on a second". (Doesn't listen for a response.)
Me: Hey - feel free to email me when you're free.
Friend: NO! SHARE! THERE'S ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF YOU! (More screaming, pounding and crying.)
Me: (hangs up & blames it on the phone being disconnected.)

Sadly, I'm not exaggerating. I do NOT want children. Can you tell? I consider calls like the above to be "birth control".

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Hilarious 15 votes 4.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147396

The Mailman 173,002 48
03/29/2010 06:11 AM

She's just one of many people on facebook who never post unless it's status updates about her baby, pictures of her baby, videos of her baby, stories about her baby, or maybe conversing with other people about how cute her baby is

Respond to every post she makes about her baby with a story or screenshot of your virtual salmon pet in FishWorld.

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Side-splitting 1 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147399

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 17,199 28
03/29/2010 06:16 AM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

It's really windy where we live and her cheeks (the ones on the face) get chapped. It's a preventative measure for when we go out for walks and stuff.

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Side-splitting 1 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147413

>Pram 77,359 40
03/29/2010 06:47 AM

Sadly, I'm not exaggerating. I do NOT want children. Can you tell? I consider calls like the above to be "birth control".

In the future, you'll be able to customize your birth control. If I don't have any sales from my records, I'm going sell pictures of my face to print on condoms. Not on condom wrappers though, because the point of anyone looking at my pasty mug would prevent the sex from everhappening, which is the best form of birth control there is!

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Funny 4 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147416

Thank You, Zolton Bunny! 87,541 29
03/29/2010 06:55 AM

I KNOW that having a child changes your life, and that once you become a parent your life can never be the same and your world has to revolve around your child or else...

Hey, having cancer changes your life, too. But you don't see people posting pictures of that on their Facebook pages.

Stingy Frosters.

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Hilarious 4 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147417

dinesh 24,601 15
03/29/2010 07:03 AM

Dinesh is Jewish?!

Not where it counts, baby.

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Side-splitting 6 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147420

SHP 179,601 69
03/29/2010 07:23 AM

Rock Lobster. Just Rock Lobster. 9,913 9
03/29/2010 02:39 PM

Comedy. Site.

03/29/2010 03:16 PM

Nice Vasoline in the background.

It's really windy where we live and her cheeks (the ones on the face) get chapped. It's a preventative measure for when we go out for walks and stuff.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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Hilarious 3 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147440

Cyco Christ died so you can sin 11,299 11
03/29/2010 08:17 AM

If anyone is looking to destroy Facebook and needs help, count me in. My wife isn't as annoying as some of the examples, but she's a Frost-ing addict. We were on vacation in Chicago for the last 5 days and every waking moment that we weren't busy doing something, she was on the computer or updating her status on Facebook. I wouldn't have minded so much except she kept wanting to use my iPhone when I'm trying to do important Shakespeare like navigate downtown Chicago using Google maps, or watching porn on ifap.com.

It actually made me glad that AT&T coverage sucks donkey balls, I couldn't get a signal in any of the museums so she actually had to pay attention to what was actually happening in front of her face.

It's not a funny post, I know. I just Frost-ing hate Facebook.

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Funny 6 votes 3.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147447

Filly - waxed 39,081 19
03/29/2010 08:54 AM

It actually made me glad that AT&T coverage sucks donkey balls...

Nuh uh! AT&T covers 97% of all Americans! Owen Wilson told me so!

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Side-splitting 1 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147455

>Pram 77,359 40
03/29/2010 10:34 AM

The SomethingAwful email war with a woman running one of those stillborn baby pages culminating in "stop overcrowding heaven with your poison womb" is still pretty much one of the best things ever.

That's what I had in mind when I posted the first time in this thread. Zack's exact words were "your poison womb is making heaven too Frost-ing crowded".

SA all the way!!

This is my favorite article of all time from them.

Terrorism is not funny, but making fun of badly done Flash sites about 9/11 is awesome.

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Hilarious 8 votes 4.6 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147457

Cinderblock 27,352 24
03/29/2010 11:01 AM

Honestly, it's not the kids that bother me. Remember that open letter that Phuc wrote last year to that snob in the ice cream shop? Yeah, I'm with Phuc. I know that, despite a parent's best efforts, kids might yell in public or emit odors that are not exactly lilac and french vanilla. That's just what kids are. I'm fine with that. My problem is with parents who are either 1: not involved in their kids lives at all, so that they don't gently correct problem behavior when necessary, or B: are TOO involved in their kids lives and think that I care that Braydon Jayden Haiden Ashton Madison rolled over for the first time today or weighs 14 pounds 4.5 ounces now. Seriously. Tell me when they're born, tell me if they're probably going to live to the age of 5, and tell me what their name is. After that, I don't want to hear about them on facebook. I'll ask you all kinds of crap at the Christmas party.

III: Profit!

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Side-splitting 5 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147459

Millie 116,654 28
03/29/2010 11:35 AM

I don't mind the postings about babies as much as the religious people. You know, the ones who have status postings like "I am so glad Jesus loves me and my family! I'm blessed and Jesus loves all my Facebook friends!" I mean what kind of status is that? I'm happy that Jesus loves you and all that crap, but how is that a status? Does it change day by day?

As for kids--the problem isn't the kids, it's their parents. When I see brats in public, they usually have parenst who are inattentive or Emersons (or both). The kid is crying because he or she is tired, frustrated, or...something. But guess what? The rest of us aren't immune to it like you are! Give the kid some attention and get it out of my range of hearing, please.

Or the older kids who are running around like Lowe's (or Home Depot) is a playground. I pray for a forklift to run them over. How can you let your kid run around a place like that and not pay attention. Face it, most parents suck.

On one hand, they want everyone to ooh and ahh over their kids, but on the other hand, they totally ignore them most of the time. And I tired of people with teenagers who do everything for their kids. I work with a couple of women who pretty much wait on their grown kids hand and foot, and complain about it. Hey, you made the monster, deal with it.

Wow, I didn't realize my feelings were so strong.

In a nutshell: religious freaks are more annoying than parents, but not by much.

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Side-splitting 1 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147467

>Pram 77,359 40
03/29/2010 12:50 PM

I've been led to consider a different path.

a DEATHMATCH.

Sorry Millie, those kids puked carrots all over you. You're still neat-o, though.

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Hilarious 16 votes 4.2 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147487

Whistler P. McManus 182,925 42
03/29/2010 04:42 PM

I love kids. Adore them (well, most of them, anyway). And I think the sun shines out of my own kids' asses. But I agree that there's a whole slew of people who are way too consumed with sharing everything about their kids with the world.

So anyway, my oldest son, Eamon, got engaged over the weekend to his sweetheart Amanda, who is a dead ringer for Taylor Swift. And did I mention that he'll be graduating with his bachelors degree (with honors) this summer after only two years of study? And entering medical school* in September?

but they arent as bad as new grandparents.

In all liklihood, I'll be ZuGLive's first grandpa. Sy doesn't count. He's been gone for too long.

*Real medical school. Not imaginary crustacean medical school.

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Hilarious 13 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147493

Nachos 57,465 23
03/29/2010 10:13 PM

So anyway, my oldest son, Eamon, got engaged over the weekend to his sweetheart Amanda, who is a dead ringer for Taylor Swift. And did I mention that he'll be graduating with his bachelors degree (with honors) this summer after only two years of study?

In all liklihood, I'll be ZuGLive's first grandpa. Sy doesn't count. He's been gone for too long.

Making the assumption from the information above that Eamon is about 20, in all likelihood, you'll also be ZugLive's first grandpa that doesn't see his grandkids as his son didn't get any custody rights in the divorce proceedings.

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Hilarious 7 votes 4.1 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147494

Nachos 57,465 23
03/29/2010 10:34 PM

As for my views on the topics of this thread:

Parents, just because you are biologically hard-wired to have warm fuzzy feelings for mewling, puking, spawn that happen to contain mutated versions of you and your partner's DNA does not mean that everyone else does.

Also, people's tolerance for other people's genetic sproutings is again based on biological imperatives and sociological conventions to stop said children being bludgeoned to death every time they become a burden in social situations, thereby ensuring the survival of the species.

In my opinion children should be raised in camps, thereby removing the burden from society and ensuring that there are equal opportunities for everyone regardless of race, gender and social background.

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Hilarious 5 votes 4.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147497

Alt+Ctrl+Ravos 61,615 20
03/29/2010 11:09 PM

Know what is even more annoying than parents on facebook? The people who don't actually have kids, but treat their pets like they were, and update us on every minute detail of the animal's existance.

"Mr. Bigglesworth just ate some cat food, and is taking a nap! Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!"

Or the people who update their status every 12 seconds.
"Just woke up."
"Walking to bathroom."
"Sitting on toilet."
"Pooped"
"Wiped"
"Pooped some more. Probably should have skipped the taco bell last night."
"Wiped.
"More poop."
"Showering"
"Washing hair"
"etc"
"etc"
"etc"

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Funny 1 votes 3.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147529

Dropkick Brody 43,056 12
03/30/2010 01:00 AM

I don't mind the postings about babies as much as the religious people. You know, the ones who have status postings like "I am so glad Jesus loves me and my family! I'm blessed and Jesus loves all my Facebook friends!" I mean what kind of status is that? I'm happy that Jesus loves you and all that crap, but how is that a status? Does it change day by day?

Haha, agreed. I have blocked so many people who spout that all over my newsfeed.

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Hilarious 7 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147548

Cinderblock 27,352 24
03/30/2010 01:36 AM

Oooh, well... something shiny does sound nice. I think that one of the problems is that women are automatically programmed to say "yes" in that situation. Srsly. I mean, I don't want to get married anytime soon, but when ex-bang partner mentioned it, I still got all fluttery. I told him he was being silly, but if he had actually gotten down on one knee and given me a ring, I probably would have screamed, said yes, and then five minutes later thought, "Wait, what the Frost am I doing? I'm not even old enough to drink yet! Frost. I need to start cheating on him now."

My friend's little brother is a senior in high school, and apparently one of the girls (a junior) he goes to school with is pregnant and married. He said the wedding photos were gut-wrenchingly hilarious: a happy child bride with a big belly under her white dress, a beaming groom, and two sets of parents behind them with devastated expressions on their faces.

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Hilarious 4 votes 4.2 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147554

Dropkick Brody 43,056 12
03/30/2010 01:44 AM

When I was a kid I vividly remember watching television shows where the woman, when proposed to, said 'I'll have to think about it.' And that was okay. Now it seems that it's a YES or it means 'I don't love you.'

But still.. The ring.

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Funny 5 votes 3.8 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147562

The Mailman 173,002 48
03/30/2010 02:05 AM

I'm a firm believer that children should be raised Spartan style.

So what you're saying is, you like to see children running around naked?

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Funny 8 votes 3.6 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1054147691

Whistler P. McManus 182,925 42
03/30/2010 11:05 AM

I know a woman who got married at 19 to a marginally employed musician who was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

I'd say my kid and his girl are starting out a couple of steps ahead of his mother and father that couple.

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http://www.zug.com/live/84353/New-Parents-on-Facebook

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